November 19, 2018 - Pelvic ultrasound

I had a pelvic ultrasound at Radiology and Associates because my endometriosis has been causing me severe pelvic pain even though the Lupron has stopped the bleeding. I am so sore from my ultrasound. I barely had enough water and it hurt because I had to hold it during the ultrasound and there were parts of the ultrasound that hurt to the point where I thought I was being stabbed and the tech had to scan spots several times. The tech also scanned my kidneys several times.

November 7, 2018 - Appointment due to pain

Okay, health update...my uterus is fine, but they want to do another ultrasound in case another part of the system is not. I will also stay on the Lupron because it's working and I know what it means because it's working so well. However, God prompted me to stop feeling guilt over what that means.

October 25, 2018 - The painful abuse of the #MeToo Movement has resulted in chaos.

I'm really confused as to whether I want to support the #MeToo movement anymore or not because it's created a society where witch-hunts spring up at the first spark of an accusation. The movement used to represent courage and rising above pain, but it certainly doesn't represent that anymore. Some people see the legitimate stories and they want a piece of the action, so they make up a story and publicize it without evidence of any kind. Society reacts by immediately going after the accused without looking for evidence that might support the accusation. Even if there isn't physical evidence, there has to be some sort of evidence out there. Evidence can be found if one looks hard enough, but who actually does it?

The #MeToo movement has created chaos in society. Granted, there are those women who have legitimate accounts of being assaulted by men and who will be forever affected by that and the men in those cases should be held accountable. On the other hand, there are also women who are making a game out of the movement by false accusations against men of all ages simply because they want attention or they don't like a person enough to want to damage their reputation. Those who fabricate such stories out of spite are despicable people and should also be made to take responsibility for the damage their lies do and the hurt they caused.

Recently, a nine year old boy was accused of groping a woman in public and the woman clearly knew he hadn't done it, but she simply wanted the attention that came with pretending to be part of the movement. I don't appreciate women who lie about something like that just to get attention, especially when they are perfectly aware that their behavior is inappropriate and can emotionally damage those they accuse. The accused child has still not forgiven his accuser and I don't blame him if he hates her for the rest of his life because it could have turned out to be a very serious thing. Accusations can create fear and hysteria within communities simply because it's the common belief that everyone who makes an accusation like that is telling the truth. Once an accusation is made against someone, it is very difficult to stop the reactions and it is very hard to take back a lie.

Even more recently, the mayor of Grovetown, Georgia announced that he and law enforcement officials are planning to round up all of their community's sex offenders on Halloween and unlawfully detain them in the local fire hall under supervision during the hours of trick or treating. This is another seed of the #MeToo movement that was created by fear and a desire to destroy anyone on 'the list' regardless of why they are there and what they have done rehabilitation-wise after paying their debts. While some do terrible things and deserve to be on 'the list', others are on that list over perfectly innocent things that were blown out of proportion.

There are already perfectly sensible restrictions in place for people like that and this rounding them up is something I don't agree with. The mayor claims that this action is perfectly legal, but how is it perfectly legal to round people up and unlawfully detain them in an enclosed space while surrounded by police? That reminds me of some very dark days in history that have already been repeated by recent policies. What the Grovetown mayor seems to be doing is creating a portable internment camp for undesirables and also feeding into the witch-hunt spectacle and internment camps of any kind are disgusting! I thought society was beyond things like that.

I give kudos to those who have come forward with legitimate stories about how they were sexually victimized because it's not an easy thing to talk about. However, to those who are making things up to get attention or to spite those you don't like, please stop it because your words can create a lot of damage. If it didn't happen to you, don't say it did because then you will ignite a firestorm that will end up creating chaos and destroying innocent reputations. Think about what you say and do before you act simply because your words and actions can and will produce very real consequences.

How Does One Hate Being Pregnant? - April 2018

I went to Time Out For Women tonight, but had to leave early due to perfume being in a scent free area. While I was there, however, I heard a bit of music and some words from the evening speakers. While I did learn some interesting and valuable speakers, I also got a reminder that people often get blessings that they don't always publicly appreciate or they don't always realize that others grieve over not having certain blessings because of things beyond their control.

Cade and Carrian Cheney spoke about making Christ the center of your life and used examples from their own life to explain how they went about achieving that aspiration. During her turn to talk, however, Carrian said that she hates being pregnant and it was due to some other medical condition she has. I have never, EVER heard a Mormon woman express hate over being pregnant. I've read articles from non-members expressing that pregnancy is hard and they wish they wouldn't have had kids when they have kids, but I was floored to hear someone of the Mormon faith express a hate over pregnancy. The Church is centered around families of all kinds and sizes and to express hate over pregnancy feels like expressing hate for family and the wonderful blessings that it is to have and/or make a family.

I couldn't help but feel a pile of grief over this statement simply because I have endometriosis and with conditions like that, pregnancy is very much an uncertain thing. I do have struggles with the endometriosis, but I push forward in faith that blessings will come when they are supposed to and in the way they are supposed to. There are times that I do grieve over the possibility of never being able to get pregnant and have a child naturally, but it is what it is and all I can do is pour my heart out to the Lord in prayer, poetry, or writing when I get that way.

If I were ever able to become pregnant, I would probably find it very hard, but I wouldn't hate it simply because of the struggle that it would be to get there if it were to happen. I'm not perfect and I want to be, but it's not going to happen right away, if it happens at all, and I'm fine with that because I know that it's all in the Lord's hands. I was promised in my patriarchal blessing that I will have the opportunity to be married in the temple and that I will become a mother to many children. I will grieve at times, but I will never hate what blessings come into my life simply because it may make me hurt or make me sick; I will remember that the Lord will give me the strength to handle whatever blessings or trials come into my life, as He has been doing that for me my whole life thus far!

The blessings of spousehood and motherhood just haven't come into my life yet and my hope is that a man with patience and understanding to my struggles and situation will come along and want me as I am. I'm not going to hate those blessings when and if they come into my life. I am, in fact, making preparations in the way I live so that I will be able to be a good addition to the lives of others when and if the opportunity comes.

I grieve at what is, but I am not going to hate what may come because all the stuff I am going through right now might be preparing me for amazing things down the road. Hating what is wastes time and energy that I no longer have for negativity. I just have to keep hanging on and God will provide because I know that I am worthy to receive many blessings in His eyes. If it weren't for the Atonement, it would be much harder to hang on, so I'm glad I have it so that I can be carried by Christ right now.

With the strength I am saving while being carried, I have the strength to see positives in trying situations like I am with this current burden. Even the grieving I endure at times is surrounded by peaceful thoughts simply because I seek positive reinforcement through Christ. To hate blessings that come to me in my trials, and there are blessings to be found in my trails, pushes me away from the Spirit that I need to keep going, so I am horrified when others express hate for blessings that they currently have or that they were given; don't they feel a lesser presence of the Spirit when they do that? I certainly do.