The post I made yesterday was not to focus on how ignorant some can be when they accuse a person of not doing all they can to become better; it was to explain a very real issue that I have and that I have kept private. It's not a crippling issue, but it's there and I shouldn't hide it anymore because I am sure that I am not the only one who has it.
For years, I have struggled with nasty menstrual periods and have tried different things for them, but nothing worked. On October 11, 2017, however, I finally got an answer about what the heck was going on in my body thanks to an awesome OB/GYN's desire to take my problems seriously. Past physicians thought I was simply making stuff up through delusions because of my social/intellectual disability (ADHD/Non-Verbal Learning Disorder) and told me as such, but this current OB I have is awesome. Getting a referral and appointment was incredibly quick and I am very grateful that it was as fast as it was, as it doesn't usually work like that. It was only a month between when I got my referral and when my appointment was due to the mercy of sudden cancellations.
After talking to the OB/GYN at the hospital that day about the struggles I've had with my 'female time' over the last few years, the conclusion was that it was most likely endometriosis. That would explain why nothing showed up on ultrasounds despite me having pain and other nasty symptoms. I am grateful that I stuck to my instincts that there was something instead of thinking I was crazy like others believed I was.
I had a hysteroscopy and D&C on January 15th at the Lethbridge Regional Hospital to check things out and so they could also take a sample of things for a pathology. I had a spinal block done instead of accepting the option of anesthesia and the surgery itself was very quick, but the recovery is an ongoing process and there are both good and bad days. The follow-up is the 20th of February as far as I know and I will learn more then.
The thing about endometriosis is that it can cause pain and it can really make the whole process of having kids difficult and that is the emotionally difficult part of the process because a lot of Mormon guys are raised to seek after those girls who can multiply and replenish the earth naturally and to avoid the girls that can't have kids on their own. There are rare selections of guys who don't buy into that whole spiel, but fertility issues like endometriosis are not so openly discussed in the Church and I wish they were. I am open to adoption and I hope I can find a guy who is also open to that option should bearing children naturally prove hard or impossible for me.
I wish to God I was faking it and that my body was absolutely normal so I could just have those amazing blessings that other, naturally produced Mormon families have, but it's not and I have to learn to live with that. Blessings will not be withheld from me if I stay righteous and do my best to live well, but I am working to accept that I may not get those blessings in the way that I originally expected. It’s something I am working to come to peace with even amidst bits and pieces of grieving, which I think is totally normal for such a thing.
What really pisses me off, though, is that some people openly express their thoughts that I am overweight, worthless, and eating poorly without understanding that there is more to what is going on with my body than can be seen. People close to me understand the hell I have gone through with this aspect of my body for years, but I also want others to understand what I am going through and be kind about it.
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